POLITICS: The Flying Spaghetti Monster Deserves Equal Time: "Earlier this month, President Bush ignited a flurry of debate and eye rolling when he announced that 'intelligent design' should be taught in schools alongside the 'theory' of evolution. 'Intelligent design' proponents essentially state that life is simply too complex to be explained by evolution.

Biological marvels like the optical precision of an eye, the little spinning motors that propel bacteria and the cascade of proteins that cause blood to clot, they say, point to the hand of a higher being at work in the world.



In one often-cited argument, Michael J. Behe, a professor of biochemistry at Lehigh University and a leading design theorist, compares complex biological phenomena like blood clotting to a mousetrap: Take away any one piece - the spring, the baseboard, the metal piece that snags the mouse - and the mousetrap stops being able to catch mice.



Similarly, Dr. Behe argues, if any one of the more than 20 proteins involved in blood clotting is missing or deficient, as happens in hemophilia, for instance, clots will not form properly.



Such all-or-none systems, Dr. Behe and other design proponents say, could not have arisen through the incremental changes that evolution says allowed life to progress to the big brains and the sophisticated abilities of humans from primitive bacteria.

Not surprisingly, the vast majority of scientists are perplexed that such a theory could hold any weight with anyone at all, or that its presence in public schools is even being considered. But the Kansas Board of Education, in a move widely believed to facilitate the teaching of 'intelligent design,' has decided to eliminate the requirement of teaching of evolution altogether. While this decision doesn't mandate the teaching of intelligent design or creationism either, it does leave the curriculum choices to each local school board, and it does confuse the hell out of teachers.

'Do we touch on those areas? What about students who do not want to hear this viewpoint?' says Tammy Stauber, an eighth-grade science teacher. 'Should they be allowed to leave the classroom, or is it mandatory that they have to listen to the teacher?'



The board's decision means students will no longer face questions on state tests about evolution



Other states, including Texas, California, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Nebraska and New Hampshire, have witnessed battles between evolutionists and creationists in the last several years.



But the Kansas decision seems to be a major victory for those who believe that the Bible's book of Genesis, not the theory of evolution, explains the origin of man.



'You can't apply the scientific method to evolution,' says Gary Demar of the group American Vision. 'It's never been observed. You can't repeat the experiment. And so what's being sold as science, in terms of evolution, really isn't science in terms of the way they define it.'



If the decision stands, some Kansas students will continue to learn about evolution, while others may learn about creationism. But the courts could intervene and rule that the school board's decision violates the separation of church and state.

In response to this open-ended approach to the last several billion years of life (or thousands, depending on your viewpoint), a group of citizens proclaiming themselves to belong to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster have written an open letter to the Kansas School Board requesting, logically, that their viewpoint is just as valid as any other and thus should be given a chance to be taught in public schools.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.



It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.



Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster additionally believes that, in order to be fully respectful to their being, this theory should be taught wearing full pirate regalia. This makes perfect sense, of course, given that pirates are true chosen ones and their decline has angered the Flying Spaghetti Monster so much that he has responded with climactic rage.







Bobby Henderson - a science geek who has represented the voice of FSM supporters - has received several responses from the Kansas School Board in response to his demands, though (not surprisingly) solely from those board members who have fought for actual science:

Response from Mrs. Carol Rupe - District 8 - Received 8/16/05



From: Carol Rupe

To: bobby.henderson@gmail.com

Date: Aug 16, 2005 8:19 AM

Subject: Kansas State Board of Education



Dear Mr. Henderson,



In the midst of the sad circumstances of having our science standards lowered, you and your legion of fellow FSM followers have offered wonderful comic relief. Rather than the form letters which we often receive on other topics, each FSM letter has been clever and unique. I responded to several at first, but now there have just been too many. I am a member of the Kansas State Board of Education and have voted repeatedly to maintain excellent science standards. Last week was the vote to send a new draft (written by the 6 conservative members) out for external review. The four of us on the board who are moderates were in the minority on the vote. The group of science teachers and university professors who had written the original standards (before they were changed) have now asked that their names be withdrawn from the document. The new version changes the very definition of science from 'seeking natural explanations' to 'seeking logical explanations'. That is why I think FSMism is able to be included. It is as 'logical' as any other theory.



The final vote on the standards will be in October. We will be in Lawrence, Kansas for that meeting. Those of us who are moderates on the board are trying to have the meeting in the Natural History Museum at the University of Kansas. We think that would be an appropriate setting for the occasion. We welcome you to be in attendance.



We have received thousands of emails from scientists around the world. At first, they all tried to explain good science to us. After the vote last week, however, they have resorted to calling us hillbillies and morons. And those are the nice letters!



Thank you for adding levity to this situation. You have developed quite a following. I was wondering if we could reverse the effects of global warming if we started breeding pirates.



Sincerely,

Carol Rupe



P.S. I ordered a Kansas Museum of Science t-shirt. I may just have to wear it to a board meeting.

I say all hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Because, come on, we all know that pirates rule and this nation's children should be forced to know that too.

(Written by: MissTyrios)

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(Via SuicideGirls: News Wire.)