Today's best use of the word pirate:

Test of the Mainstream:

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Guns:

1. Are an essential tool for killing things.

2. Are an essential tool for the home which also happens to kill things.

3. Are what Jesus would've given the meek to take back the earth.

4. Are good. The gun kills men. The penis is evil. The penis shoots seed.


Sex:

1. Mostly happens on the internet.

2. Is dirty and BAD... but I LIKE it... but that makes me dirty and BAD... but I LIKE it...

3. Is a foul and terrible abomination of all that is holy until a priest/judge/clerk/pirate captain puts a ring on my finger and tells me otherwise.

4. Does not exist. Humans reproduce through budding.